He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
