just come out here and I will go home with you...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I love you.
Bad choice
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
