remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
