I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
