: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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