tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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