Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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