I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
