I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
