Non-Jews are for practice
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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