It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
