Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
