I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
