I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
