I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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