I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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