My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
