im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize