Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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