i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
