I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
