you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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