If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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