last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
