Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
