Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize