I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
