So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
