Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
