dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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