We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize