i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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