I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she pinky promised me she was 18
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
