yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
