I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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