um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
