My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
