my phone needs a breathalizer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
