Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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