Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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