we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
