I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
