My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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