so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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