did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
