I think I won the penis lottery.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
