I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
