Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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