You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
