We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
