remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
