Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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