Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wish there were birth control emojis
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
