Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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