I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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