And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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