Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
