dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
