I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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