You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We need to get me chipped asap
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
