I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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