I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
