Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cockslap morals
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
