whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
