someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
