moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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