Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
