where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
