i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
