we should wear snuggies to the strip club
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize