Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
