don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
